Credo

We’re currently caught in the summer doldrums of weather and sports in Houston. The Astros are staggering through late May and June like a gazelle on the Discovery channel just before the cheetah goes into Super Pursuit Mode, and the daily downpours are a constant reminder that this part of the country is truly sub-tropical. For reasons that will become apparent with time, I hope to encapsulate here what it means to be a Houston sports fan in a city where the losses and heartbreak can be as stifling and soul-crushing as the humidity. It’s not all doom and gloom, but it is what it is.

I believe in the Astros, the Rockets, the Dynamo, and the Texans. In that order.

I believe in Mike Scott, Luke Scott, and Scotty Brooks.

I believe in the Dream, The Ryan Express, and the Tyler Rose.

I believe that J.R. Richard’s stroke was the worst thing that ever happened to a Houston team.

I believe that Jeff Van Gundy is an accountant in his spare time. And Rudy T trains prizefighters.

I believe that Jose Cruz could hear me yelling to him from the Rainbow seats at the Astrodome.

I believe Hakeem’s car wash is overpriced.

I believe that David Carr would only have succeeded if he’d played for the Patriots. And his name was Tom Brady.

I believe that Yao Ming is a wimp. When you’re 7’6″, your primary offensive weapon should not be a fall-away jumper.

I believe that Mark Loretta should start more often than Craig Biggio.

I believe that emulating Jeff Bagwell’s batting stance made me a better hitter in my first year of kid’s pitch.

I believe that Kevin Bass should be forgiven.

I believe that Tracy McGrady is the illegitmate son of Sleepy Floyd.

I believe and am assured that I will never deliberately go to Buffalo.

I believe that Ken Caminiti was the most tragic story of MLB in the 90’s.

I believe in the Astrodome.

I believe that my mom would’ve crashed the minivan when we cruised Westheimer waving a broom out the window after the Rockets swept the Magic had that guy really tried to grab our broom.

I believe I will go to an MLS game this year. And not when Beckham is in town.

I believe that Albert Pujols, Walt Weiss, Jeff Hostetler, Shawn Kemp, and the 1986 Mets may all burn in hell.

I believe that I will see another Houston championship in my lifetime, maybe even in a sport that I really care about.

Amen.