Yoooooooooooou should really stop doing that.

October 26, 2007

After a soldier has served his country, he is welcomed back into society with appreciation and pride, with thanks for the work he has done protecting our freedom with his service. After a Soulja has served his country by making hundreds if not thousands of dorky white girls think they can dance, and forced college coaches to humiliate themselves to appeal to a younger demo, what next? As the Soulja Boy dance craze thing has gone to absurd heights that the Macarena could only hope to reach, the question looms: what will kill this phenomenon?

As a service to everyone, I’ve come up with a list of people who, if they post videos on Youtube of themselves doing the Soulja Boy, would finally kill the dance once and for all.

– Kansas University Mark Mangino. This one is pretty self-explanatory. We’ll know if/when it happens when Kansas experiences its first earthquake this century.

– Condi Rice. Wait, scratch that. That’d be hot.

– (tie) Casey Kasem or Dick Clark. Because it would signal that pop music is dead, too.

GWAR. Arguably the worst band of all time, whose fans are a leading argument for a reasoned and thoughful reconsideration of eugenics. Plus, the likelihood that someone would lose their balance an impale themselves on something sharp are pretty strong; Youtube frowns on snuff films.

– JI

– JIM THOME. He’s an all-American lug, and doesn’t seem to understand complex things. So if he understands how to “Superman a ho” then America is truly over.

Osama. Sorry, too easy.

– Christopher Walken. The greatest dancer/actor of our generation should not stoop so low.

I’m sure that there are some glaring omissions here, but that’s all I can come up with on a single cup of coffee. If anyone would like to fill in the blanks, please do so. Do it for the children.



  1. Although many criticisms of this man are unfounded/unfair, the criticisms of his dancing are pretty much spot-on:

  2. -Alexi Laiho

    -he can do anything he wants, hes a god! just like david bowie.. or that cat with a white spot on its face.. Or possibly.. nah.. nobody thinks of the color manilla the way I do *hehe*

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